Damage Done

[run_barry]

Following quite the eventful night, Bivalo is in the pipeline and Barry is in recovery, waiting on the results for yet another test in a battery of them while the S.T.A.R. Labs team sees off Team Arrow.

Idly fiddling with the IV line sticking out of his arm, Barry's eyes lift when Caitlin breezes in and she gently chides, "Leave it alone, you've still got one more bag to go before we have you evened out again."

Barry drops his hand and watches Caitlin cross the room to her computer station. She sits down, her expression going studious.

"Oliver and his team gone?" Barry asks.

Eyes fixed on her screen, Caitlin gives a nod. "Mm-hmm."

She clicks through a few screens before her concentration breaks off the monitor and she looks over at Barry.

"Well, they've left the lab," she clarifies, rising out of her chair and stepping over to a counter where she pulls open a drawer and starts taking things out. "They're headed off to check out of wherever they've been staying, and Oliver mentioned a last meet up with you before they leave town."

Barry nods, frowning to himself.

Caitlin must catch the expression, because her smile turns sympathetic when she walks over with a tray to take a seat on the stool beside his bed.

"Dr. Wells and Joe spoke with him before he went," she offers with a hopeful smile, "That seemed to go well."

Barry gives over his arm as Caitlin sets up a syringe and vacutainer, after another blood sample.

"And, everything is looking good," she assures Barry, patting his arm after getting her sample. "Brain scans all look fine, and your vitals and blood levels are all coming back down to normal. You should be good to go real soon."

She's being so kind, and it's really only making him feel worse. Finally he works his throat and says, "Caitlin, I'm so sorry. The way I treated you before, and how I didn't listen. I-- "

"I know you are, Barry," Caitlin says quietly. She sets aside his blood sample on her tray, and peels off the gloves she's wearing.

"I also know that not all of that was you," she continues. Her eyes dip down for a moment, before she lifts her gaze to meet his. "But… throwing Ronnie's name out like you did, that hurt. I know you didn't know him, but I would hope, from what we've told you about him, that you would know he was a good man. And that I truly loved him. So please, don't use his name so callously like that again."

There's a lump caught up in Barry's throat that he has to work down before he can find his voice again, and when he speaks it's apologetic and ashamed.

"I won't. I shouldn't have before, and I'm sorry that I did."

Caitlin gives him a smile, her eyes shinier than they were a minute ago.

"Thank you, Barry."

*****

Finally discharged from Caitlin's care, Barry heads to CC Jitters to meet up with Oliver before the man leaves town.

Barry makes a point of actually being on time for once, and so he's sitting at a table alone when Eddie walks in, heading straight for Iris.

The man is cut up and bruised and the sight puts a big knot in Barry's belly.

"Captain Singh approved the task force," Eddie tells Iris who's working in the shop today. "You wanted me to believe the Flash was real. Now I do. I believe he's dangerous, and I am going to take him in."

The announcement Eddie makes causes the knot and Barry's stomach to tighten and turn. His eyes flick to Iris when Eddie asks her how she feels about the situation, but any small hope Barry had of Iris defending the Flash vanishes when she throws her arms around Eddie, giving him her support and a kiss.

So wrapped up in the scene is Barry that he doesn't realize he has company until Iris turns around and greets Felicity who is standing right beside him.

Startled and quickly trying to pull it together, Barry sorts himself out at his table while Felicity and Iris head to the counter to place to-go orders and Oliver sits down across from Barry.

Oliver is studying him, and Barry wraps his hand around the cup of coffee in front of him, trying to put together what to say.

"Um, so listen… " Barry starts awkward and contrite. "I'm really sorry for what I said in the field, and then last night in the street..."

Barry remembers every awful thing he said to the people he encountered while under Bivalo's powers, and Oliver is one of the ones he gave it to the worst of all.

"I wish I could say it was all because of whatever Bivolo did to me, but I guess I had more feelings bottled up than I thought," Barry admits. He's given it a lot of thought, and knows he can't pass off all the blame to being whammied. Some of it was just him, and his own frustrations and insecurities.

Oliver takes the apology in stride, by his expression and response he doesn't seem to be holding any hard feelings over the experience.

"You can always talk to me," Oliver offers.

That means a lot to Barry, especially after everything, and knowing they're okay relieves some of the tension he's feeling. Done with rejecting Oliver's help now, Barry accepts with a grateful nod.

"Yeah. Thank you. And you were right, I still have… a lot to learn."

"There's one more thing," Oliver says, his expression turning a shade apologetic. "And you're not going to like it."

Barry's not sure where this is going, but an awkward laugh breaks from the apprehension he feels, and he jokes lightly, "Does it involve you shooting me in the back?"

"No," Oliver replies, his smile almost sad. "No, the heart."

Oliver gives a subtle nod in the direction of the counter where Iris and Felicity are standing and chatting.

Barry looks over, quelling the urge to deny what Oliver's gesture is suggesting and instead listens as Oliver does indeed stab Barry in the chest.

"That's not going to work out for you," Oliver says, eyes on Barry, his tone grave. "And you need to let her go, for both of your sakes."

Those words, and the weight of experience behind them let all of the air out of Barry's lungs, leaving a big hollow behind his rib cage.

Oliver turns to look at the women, his gaze falling on Felicity, and there's a wistfulness there that Barry feels. Looking back at Barry, Oliver informs him, "Guys like us don't get the girl."

*****

The night is cool moving onto cold, especially up above the street.

Barry owes a lot of people apologies, and standing up on the roof of CC Jitters waiting as the Flash, he tells himself he's here not because of his earlier conversation with Oliver Queen, but because Iris is somebody else who deserves an explanation and an apology.

When Iris steps out onto the roof she holds back near the door, watching Barry warily.

"Got your message," she says, her flat tone matching the look she's measuring him with.

Resisting the urge to close the distance, Barry lifts his voice to be heard from where he's standing.

"I wanted you to know, last night… that wasn't me," he says, apology clear in his words even as he vibrates his voice so she won't recognize him.

"Sure looked like you," Iris replies.

"Yeah. I was affected by one of the metahumans," Barry replies, trying to explain. "He messed with my head, but I'm okay now, I promise."

Iris isn't mollified, instead she comes back both angry and disappointed.

"I defended you," she says. "Everyone told me that you would bring me nothing but danger. My father, Barry, Eddie-- I didn't listen to them. I never listened to them."

Barry wants to speak up, defend himself, but the head shake Iris gives cuts him off.

"But now it's time I did. Don't contact me anymore, okay?" she says with a finality that sinks Barry's heart straight to the bottom of his chest.

"Iris… " he doesn't know what to say, and quickly after he starts Barry realizes there's nothing he can say to fix this and he ends with a disappointing, "I'm sorry."

Iris looks at him like she was expecting more, or maybe she just also knows there's nothing else that can be said.

Either way, he can hear the crack in her voice when she speaks again before turning away to head back inside.

"Me too."

*****

It's late, and Barry thought S.T.A.R. Labs would be empty, but as he walks down the corridor, back in plain clothes again, he hears footfalls coming up behind him.

"Prism," Cisco announces, sidling up beside Barry as he walks down the curving corridor. "If, y'know, you were wondering the name of our latest rogue."

Barry doesn't reply, but he can feel Cisco watching him as they walk along.

Finally Cisco asks, "How're you feeling?"

Barry shakes his head. There aren't really words to convey how awful he feels right now.

"This was… pretty bad, Cisco."

Cisco frowns and gives a small head nod. Looking ahead down the corridor they're travelling, Cisco asks, "You sure about this?"

Barry stops for a moment, frowning. Looking down at his shoes, Barry's shoulders rise and fall in defeat before he finally lifts his eyes to Cisco's.

"I have to own up to what I did," Barry says, voice a little tight. "Yeah, I wasn't in my right mind, but it was still my fault because of my mistake trying to handle Bivalo. Everything I did… it's all on me."

Cisco gives Barry a sad, sympathetic look, taking a small step backwards.

"Yeah… I guess I get that," Cisco admits. "But I'm sure they'll understand. And if, y'know, it doesn't go great I'll totally be there to help you Shawshank out of that place, alright?"

Barry chuffs softly with a brief smile, not able to work up to the humor, but appreciating the support.

"Thanks, man."

When Barry starts walking again Cisco doesn't follow. Around the bend is the storage closet door that will lead into Milliways, where Barry intends to turn himself in.

[ooc: some dialogue taken from episode 1.8]